Couple and money
Money is a sensitive subject for all couples… especially when there is not enough of it. Thank you Lana for sharing your concern about this matter. You are not alone!
Gender difference at play
There are major gender differences with everything money related and that in itself creates tensions.
Women view money as a mean for a greater purpose, as a mean to do things. Money does not define them.
Men on the other hand view money as a reference for power and freedom. Having money is a way to define their value. Who they are does not depend on the amount of money they are, but their self confidence often does. It takes some distance to therefore understand that when a woman complains about money, for her it has little if anything to do with the man at stake. A man who is a breadwinner feels a huge pressure to provide and provide well. Lack of money is perceived as failure.
As a result men check their account more far more than women do. And they are less likely to be relaxed with any spending conversation. A woman’s perspective has a lot of value because in a way it is more objective, and more focused on what money brings.
We need both perspectives to balance each other, this is why it is very important to find tricks to make sure conversations regarding money are constructive. Understanding what is at stake for your partner is a necessary step to fuel a good conversation on that matter. Starting to write down your position might be the safest step.
Email your position regarding money spending
When you put in writing the bulk of what you feel about a sensitive subject, you are much more to the point. You also leave your partner some time to digest your information before he or she gives you his/her own view.
Once everyone has pondered the other one’s perspective, the conversation is likely to be fruitful and respectful.
Have a great week-end!