Where does this fear of being rejected come from?
The long history of rejected women living through the consequences has fuelled the fear of being rejected.
For centuries we have been teaching girls and women to be quiet, to accept, and please. Obedience and seduction were the cornerstone of all good education for a girl. As a result rejection has always meant failure in the collective beliefs system carried on from generations.
“No men will want you if you do this or that” is still something we hear today, rarely though!
When your reference point is outside of you, being rejected is dangerous. It questions the essence of who you are. This is why children who are rejected have a bleeding scar that they carry with them when they are adults. And only an intense work on this issue can start a healing process. Self-esteem has then been damaged to an extent that repair seems sometimes impossible. I insist on the word “seem” because healing is always possible if one takes the right road.
Rejection and our perception
Women are very much like children in their perception of rejection.
Although we have all the means to change that, we seem to keep following the path that women before us have led.
Many women’s life purpose still seems to be linked to a man who would answer all their needs.
This is a lot of pressure for any individual, and if you are a parent you know quite well how difficult it is to fulfill all the needs of anybody, even your own children.
Men on the other hand, learn from an early age to ignore rejection and keep moving forward.
At a certain level, it is even a sign of strength: I am rejected because I am that good that I threaten the other. This is a sign of power whereas, for women, it is a sign of no love.
Once again we have centuries to catch up with. There is no longer any reason to fear rejection if we understand what it means.
Love is never at stake in rejection because each rejection is the mere projection of one’s own fears. Someone might reject you: the reason has nothing to do with you. In fact it is only based on that person’s perception of who you are. And what the other sees in you might not be in you at all.
We all see what we want to see when we want to see it, and we all see what we are trained to see.
The brain works with all the data it has stored to process any given information. And this data is the compilation of our beliefs and preconceived ideas.
This is why we should never take personal a rejection. It would certainly limit the drama and the pain felt. We could then view a rejection as a step in a construction process where pausing and thinking must be done.
It would not shaken our self-esteem to such a point that only retreat is possible. It is only painful because we link it to our “not good enough” internal voice. This voice is only a perception that we can choose to ignore because it never reflects reality. Rejection is bound to happen regardless of what we do or say. Rejection is the result of deep human insecurity.
More and more women speak up, become assertive and face rejection the way men do. They see in it a confirmation of how powerful they are.
Fear of anything attracts that same thing. It is as if our deep fears were a call for confirmation that we are correct to be scared.
Female powerful assets
All women have tremendous power innately, stemming from the fact that they have the ultimate power of giving life.
For centuries this power has been kept quiet because it was perceived as dangerous for male supremacy.
Female power is not only safe, it is also needed to balance out the warrior power men have.
In fact I should not even be talking about female power as it implies competition with male power. There should not be any competition between men and women because female force is complementary to male power. Who would not want to use vivid creativity combined with a visionary perspective?
Women have an intimate physical experience of separation through the ability of bearing a child and let him go through delivery. This should be the base to conquer fear of rejection. Let go, ladies…
If we reconnect with the deep knowledge that we all share, we can see beyond ourselves. And rejection becomes irrelevant.
Our self-esteem should only be based on our capacity to complete our mission here. We all have a unique mission that cannot be rated with social standards. Each mission is worth a huge contribution in the universal order that goes beyond all human beings.
Therefore, women should look inward much more than they are taught to do. There lie their own truth and their true self-esteem.