For centuries women have been taught from an early age to accept and seduce. Obedience and seduction were the cornerstone of all good education for a girl. As a result rejection has always meant failure in the collective beliefs system carried on from generations.
“No men will want you if you do this or that” is still something we hear today.
When your reference point is outside of you, being rejected is dangerous. It questions the essence of who you are. This is why children who are rejected have a bleeding scar that they carry with them when they are adults. And only an intense work on this issue can start a healing process. Self-esteem has then been damaged to an extent that repair seems sometimes impossible. I insist on the word “seem” because healing is always possible if one takes the right road.
Women are very much like children in their perception of rejection.
Although we have all the means to change that, we seem to keep following the path that women before us have led.
Many women’s life purpose still seems to be linked to a man who would fulfill all their needs.
This is a lot of pressure for any individual, and if you are a parent you know quite well how difficult it is to fulfill all the needs of anybody, even your own children.
Men on the other hand, learn from an early age to ignore rejection and keep moving forward.
At a certain level, it is even a sign of strength: I am rejected because I am that good that I threaten the other. This is a sign of power whereas, for women, it is a sign of no love.
Once again we have centuries to catch up with.
There is no reason to fear rejection.
Love is never at stake in rejection because each rejection is the mere projection of one’s own fears. You are rejected not because of you, but because of what the other sees in you. And what the other sees in you might not be in you at all. We all see what we want to see when we want to see it, and we all see what we are trained to see.
The brain is wired in such a way that it will do everything to process any given information with all the data it has stored. And the data stored is the compilation of our beliefs and preconceived ideas.
This is why we should never take personal a rejection. It would certainly limit the drama and the pain felt. We could then view any rejection as a step in a construction process where pausing and thinking must be done.
It would not shaken our self-esteem to such a point that only retreat is possible.
Sheryl Sandberg in a Ted talk recently that you can find on my blog, was inviting all women to speak up, to dare more.
Things will not change if we don’t raise awareness about beliefs around women that perceive negatively any woman going outward. I felt very sad when I heard on CNN during the Republican Primary debates in the 2012 campaign a woman saying that she really liked Michelle Bachman but she could not vote for her because no woman should be in power.
All women have tremendous power innately, stemming from the fact that they have the ultimate power of giving life.
For centuries this power has been kept quiet because it was perceived as dangerous for male supremacy. Female power is not only safe, it is also needed to balance out the warrior power men have. In fact I should not even be talking about female power as it implies competition with male power. There should not be any competition between men and women because female force is complementary to male power. It is a vivid creativity combined with a visionary perspective. Who would not want that skill?
Women have an intimate physical experience of separation through the ability of bearing a child and let him go through delivery. This should be the base to conquer fear of rejection.
If we reconnect with the deep knowledge that we all share, we can see beyond ourselves. And rejection becomes irrelevant.
Our self-esteem should only be based on our capacity to fulfill our mission here. We all have a unique mission that cannot be rated with social standards. Each mission is worth a huge contribution in the universal order that goes beyond all human beings.
Therefore, women should look inward much more than they are taught to do. There lie their own truth and their true self-esteem.